


Don't seek me between words

by Sashaya



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Friendship, Happy Ending, Mass Effect 2, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:59:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashaya/pseuds/Sashaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There’s something in the air, something between them and Shepard lets him set the pace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't seek me between words

**Author's Note:**

> **_Disclaimer:_** _I don't own any of the characters._
> 
> Warning: unbeta'ed, written too late at night.

Liara kisses her deep and soft, kisses her like a memory and Shepard can’t help but kisses back, kisses back like there’s nothing between them.

Liara kisses her and Shepard can feel Garrus’ heavy gaze on her back.

Garrus says nothing, greets Liara with fondness in his voice and lets them talk alone, taking Miranda with him. Shepard knows them enough to know they’re just behind the door, ready to step in, ready for action.

Garrus is a bit quieter after, not silent, nothing so obvious. There’s a bit less warmth in his words, there’s a bit more edge to his tone. 

Shepard decides not to touch it, let it stay a bit awkward between them for now, let him think through what he needs.

Miranda shoots them careful glances, steps a bit closer to Shepard. It feels like a big step, like a choice made without much thought and it makes Shepard smile through the whole adventure on Illium. 

(They think it’s Liara’s kiss lingering on Shepard’s lips, they think it’s the _love lost and brought back_ and Shepard doesn’t bother to correct them.)

 

Shepard gained more for her crew, can already hear Joker complain about _collecting crazy aliens_ and she likes this, likes this because it’s true and Joker doesn’t mind that much. 

She leaves them all on Normandy, tells Kelly she’s stepping out for a bit, alone, there’s a _work-in-progress_ , unfinished business that she needs to take care of. She tells Kelly to inform the crew so no-one will panic over her disappearance. 

Shepard steps out on Nos Astra and she doesn’t feel the knowing glance Kelly sends her.

 

They talk. It’s not very romantic, very sweet. Liara grew and Shepard hasn’t followed yet. There are thousand differences between them now, differences that haven’t existed before, differences that weren’t a problem before.

(They weren’t a problem because Shepard thought she’d die protecting the Citadel and they’re not brave enough to say it out loud.)

 

They part with one last kiss, with no promises, just wishes of happiness, of luck. They part with lingering touches and memories of something beautiful, something _old_ between them.

They part as friends and that’s more than Shepard was hoping for. 

She’s happy.

 

Shepard lies in her quarters, she looks at the stars and she feels peace. It’s a foreign feeling, a bit strange but welcomed and Shepard smiles lightly. 

Garrus stands in the doorway and he looks lost, surprised like he didn’t expect to find the captain in the captain’s quarters.

“I…” he starts and rubs the back of his neck. Shepard smiles, she knows this. “I thought you were…”

“Off-shore pursuing my never-ending love story?” Shepard asks, teases. It’s easy with him, easy as violence with Wrex, easy as romance with Liara.

(Shepard finds joy in simple things.)

Garrus sighs and nods. 

“Something less poetic but yes” he waits a bit, while Shepard watches. There’s something in the air, something between them and Shepard lets him set the pace. “Oh, I… There’s a book, you said I could borrow and…”

Shepard laughs. It’s easy with him.

“Sorry” Garrus says and steps closer. 

Shepard watches him and he doesn’t know what to do. She pats the spot beside her on the bed and waits for him to sit down.

He hesitates, stops and Shepard can _see_ his mind going miles and miles, can see him wondering where this is going.

She doesn’t know and it’s not simple. He’s worth this. She hopes.

“You want to talk?”

“I don’t know… But yes, I think that’s the best option right now” Garrus says. 

He doesn’t look at her and it unnerves her, she misses his deep eyes. She misses the way she was the centre of his galaxy, she misses the devotion.

(Shepard's always been selfish.)

“Why do you think so?”

He’s quiet, quiet and still and Shepard itches, waits for an answer but doesn’t push. She learnt it already, learnt patience even if she hates it so much. She hates the silence between them.

“I… I think I should be blunt with you Shepard” Garrus says. “The last month… but not only, before too, before you…”

“Died” Shepard says it for him because he can’t, he pushes the word away like a plague. Shepard lets him.

“You’re special, Shepard. You’re breathtaking and world-shattering and I can’t stop thinking about you”

“Is that a confession, Garrus?” she’s not doing this to tease him, she’d never (lies, it’s all lies, she would but not now, not in this moment), she just needs everything to be clear, she doesn’t need miscommunication right now. 

Shepard craves the simple things.

“Yes, it’s something you can call a love confession, Shepard” he says with a sigh. It’s heavy, deep and it feels like he gave up, like he doesn’t want this to mean anything. It hurts her, hurts more than she’d like. “I wanted to be clear with you and I won’t bother you now”

“Why?”

“I don’t understand” Garrus asks but doesn’t turn around, doesn’t look at her.

Shepard's hand itches, barely stops before turning him to face her. She wouldn’t be able to, not without him letting her, there’s still difference in strength between them, even for her. But Garrus would let her. She knows this.

“Why won’t you bother me anymore?” Shepard asks. There’s nothing delicate, fragile in her voice, it didn’t go quiet. She’s far from a heroine in a romance novel, she won’t faint, won’t break along her broken heart. But it will hurt, she’s human, it has to. “Am I that bad of a choice?”

Garrus snorts and shakes his head.

“You are when you’re taken”

“News to me. Seems like I’m still not up to date” she bites.

Shepard is a bit tired with the way everyone _knows something_ and she’s left in dark because she was gone, dead for too long. She wants to stop being their ghost.

Garrus looks at her finally and his gaze burns her, gives her life, strength. Hope.

She can feel everything between them become complicated, ties itself in knots and for a blink of an eye she wishes it was all simple. 

“I never thought you’d be that cruel, Shepard”

“I never thought you’d be that dense, Garrus” she says with anger. She won’t argue with him, she’s cruel and sometimes proud of it. But it burns her that he’d think she’d be cruel to him. “I’m what Liara loved and lost, I’m nothing more but a memory for her”

“But you…”

“She had one last chance to embrace the ghost, I let her. I let her because _I was dead for two years_ and she wasn’t my past yet”

“But…”

Shepard sighs and looks up, looks at the stars, gets lost in her head for a moment. There’s bitterness on the tip of her tongue but she swallows it, doesn’t let it fall. It’s not the time, maybe not the place.

That’s an issue she will pick up later, after she learns to deal with the poisoned sadness.

“You know, I was never supposed to be Liara’s last. Asari live way longer than humans, especially humans with suicide missions. We both knew I was the beginning, not the end” she closes her eyes, remembers their last words, remembers _never wait for me_ whispered right before the attack. “I’m not her last the same way she wasn’t my first. We can both live with this”

“Can you?” Garrus asks softly. It feels like he finally understands that Shepard was lost not only for them but for herself too. She didn’t have time to miss them, let them be themselves, let herself grow. 

She hopes he does because she needs something like this, she needs a seed of understanding.

“Yes, I can” Shepard says. She lets their eyes meet, let him look deep into her and doesn’t back off. She opens herself enough, she doesn’t let anyone look really, not when she’s stripped of all shields. She’s too old for that, too bitter.

She hopes he’s worth a bit of her weakness.

She touches his hand and he doesn’t back off. 

“I will let you rest, Commander” Garrus says with a soft smile and warmth in his deep, deep eyes. 

Shepard doesn’t say anything and he leaves, but it feels like beginning, like something new.

 

Shepard smiles and his touch lingers on her skin, lingers like something pure and naïve. 

She likes this new adventure.


End file.
